


A Cat's Eternal Nap

by XetterYeonma (keusenon)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3740308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keusenon/pseuds/XetterYeonma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kenma decides to ascend into somewhere he could smile again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cat's Eternal Nap

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this mainly to vent out my emotions. Needless to say, it helped somewhat.

Kenma knew that he wasn't fit to be with anyone.

A friend, a lover, even as a family member.

                He just knew, deep down, that he was never meant to be with people. Yet somehow he kept wanting to have some sort of acceptance. He didn't care for affection, he didn't care for love. He just wanted the satisfaction that someone could look at him indifferently and see him as someone normal, someone ordinary.

But how come, despite being okay with being alone, was he so desperate a single drop of love without realizing it?

                At first, he'd only do what he wanted to do. The expectations of relationships, especially of those involving romance, was too much for him. He thought that maybe if he showed that his wants and needs are apparent too, then perhaps things will go the way it was meant to be. A slow, steady, easy relationship. Something without drama, something without heartbreak lurking on every corner.

Oh, how he was so wrong.

                Being told he was special, by the only one for the other half that promised to fill him whole, only to see their lips touch ones that don't belong to Kenma. Being told it was a mistake, that it wouldn't happen again, only to see a naked embrace from the crack that the door generously opened for Kenma to reveal the truth. Being told that the truth was the only thing solid in their relationship, that gave him one last hope, only to have Kenma felt despair for days to months.

                Only one person was an anchor for Kenma's emotional support, but even that person would one day leave Kenma. He had a different life, he had a different personality. Kenma wouldn't be surprised if he found others that could easily replace Kenma in a heartbeat. It was just how Kenma felt about himself, that others could easily replace him and give everyone else a better time than to deal with his negativity that he wish he could have controlled better.

                Despite all the reassurance, despite all the words Kuroo said that were meant to make Kenma feel like he was important, Kenma could never remember them in his darkest times. From elementary school, to middle school, to high school and beyond, it was just a downhill battle that Kenma lost every day and soon gained the wish to simply disappear. The thought of dying scared Kenma as much as anyone else in his eyes, but living with this never ending hatred for all his life was worse was never something he wished for.  He would do anything to get rid of the depression that ruined his life, ever since the confirmation of the news reached his ears.

One day, Kozume Kenma got his wish. A permanent solution to make everything into a never-ending paradise.

\---

_[Kozume Kenma, a young man who was 21 years old, was found his apartment room dead with an empty pill bottle in his hand last night by Kuroo Tetsurou, his roommate. The young man was known for a history of mental illness, known as Chronic Depression. The reasoning for Kozume's death was most likely suicide, a result of long-term depression in teens and young adults. This was a shock to many alumni of Nekoma High School and to Kozume's family, the news of the young man's death reaching soon after Kozume's roommate had discovered his body that night.]_

\---

"Kuroo, we have to go."

"...."

"....It's raining, Kuroo. You'll catch a cold."

"...I should've stayed."

"Kuroo, it wasn't your fault."

"I should've never left him alone, if only I knew he was going to kill himself-"

"Kuroo! Listen to me, this isn't your fault."

"..."

"...Kenma wouldn't want you to act like this. C'mon, let's just go home and mourn there."

"...Yeah."


End file.
